I expected the holiday season to be a lot harder than they were, but don’t get me wrong. There were moments I was reduced to tears at reminders of Tristan’s absence. The funny thing about keeping him as present in our family as possible with pictures and traditions and talking of him often, is that it also reminds us, painfully so, that he is not here.

The most poignant reminder for me was the empty stocking. We decided it would be a good idea to place a stocking for Tristan along with all of ours. McKenna is too young to pay close attention to the fact that we start stuffing their stockings weeks before Santa’s one-night trip around the world. So as we buy, we stuff! But as the stockings got fuller and heavier, the empty Pooh bear stocking on the end looked more and more sad and alone.

Neil and I decided to give Tristan a personal gift of self to work on through the next year; something that would help us work harder to know we will be with him again. So this year I am determined to go to the temple at least 18 times. That’s 1 and a half times a month and if I have to duck out of girl’s night, (sorry Liz and Michelle) once in a while then I will.

Anyway, it’s a new year and I can’t wait to get on with it; Good riddance 2009- I am welcoming 2010 with open arms!

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